I'm a regular at the Brit!

Mom and Dad play trivia every Tuesday night at the Brittania Arms Pub in Cupertino. I occasionally sample the traditional pub fare such as fish & chips or a Boddingtons. But, tonight I was feeling a bit adventurous and had a shot of milk - whole milk. Dad had to help me up to the bar because I am only 23 inches tall. QuizMaster Steve shared the shot with me. That man has trouble holding his milk! Take it like a man, Steve!Before I took my bath today, Mom thought it would be funny to give me a mohawk. Ha Ha.
I'm so cute I can even make a mohawk look good. Too bad I can't say the same for the guy at the bar who was sporting a mullet.

Don't mess with me.

Arrrg!

My New Outfit

Nanna sent me an outfit that my Dad, Uncle Paul, and cousins David and Sarah wore. I am so proud to carry on the Randall tradition and spit-up on it! Dad looks just a little too proud of me in this picture.






In developmental news:

1. I can SMILE!! I smiled before, but it was after I had a satisfying fart. Now I can smile when I am happy - like when I order my minions around.
2. I can sorta roll over. With a little help, I can go from my stomach to my back. I still need to work on being able to keep my head up and steady. Right now, I look like a drunk bobble head.
   
3. I can make sounds that are not crying or bodily functions. I can say "A-Goo" and "A-Ooh." Baby steps, people, baby steps.
   

On a side note: I am not just a chick magnet myself - any man in my posse holding me also becomes a chick magnet! Dad took me out to lunch in downtown Los Altos on Friday and at least 5 women approached and talked to him! The 'rents think they can make a fortune renting me out to guys in search of a date. I'm game for this venture as long as I get a cut to help fill my war chest. Taking over the world isn't cheap.

Top 100 Things I'd Do If I Ever Became An Evil Overlord

Uncle Guy sent me a very useful link on how to be a successful Evil Overlord.

http://www.proft.org/tips/evil.html

I will study the list intently. Thanks Uncle Guy!

Sorry, Sorry

Sorry I haven't posted recently - it's not like I can type, ya know. I have rely on the parents. Mom has learned to type with one hand and surf the web with her foot while holding me down, but anything more complex is tough.

First, I would like to welcome Nathan James to the world! Nathan lives in some mid-western freakin'-cold-in-the-winter state with his Mom, Michele, and Dad, Andy.
So far the Ultimate/Mischief Baby stats for 2006 are:
Babies born: 5
Babies to be born: 2 (3 if Brynne is pregnant also)
By the end of August there will be 7 on the line! (Or 8, if Brynne is pregnant also.)

I've been a busy baby in the past few days! I have been super fussy with the 'rents lately. I've been barking (ok, crying) out orders left and right. Like a good General , I have to keep them on their toes!

On Monday, I had a date with Linnea. I took her to a hockey game. Ok, we watched a hockey game on TV. But I am still counting it as a date!

Tuesday, Mom and Dad walked to downtown with me and bought me all sorts of new and cool stuff at one of the many kiddie stores. I got a new hat to keep the sun out of my face when I'm in the Baby Bjorn, a new 'round the house baby sling, and a new binky tether. I like the binky tether the best - now I can spit it out when I am done sucking and not lose it into the ether. Here is a pic of Dad & me:
I have a new goal in life: be larger than the cat. Boo outweighs me by several pounds. If I am to conquer of the world, I am going to have to be bigger than the cat. Mom took a few pics of Boo and me hanging out in my room:

My Modeling Career

Before I was born, Mom bought 3 couture outfits for me; the Ralph Lauren, a stripey onesie, and this Von Dutch peice. I'm not quite sure why she was motivated to buy such nice stuff when I am just going to spit up on it. But, I will let Mom have her moment and provide a GQ pose.

Ladies! Ladies! There's plently of me to go around!

I am a chick magnet! Mom & Dad took me to dinner last night at Mimi's Resturant with Great Aunt Jane, Grandma, and Cousin Jennica. There was a gaggle of girls at the resturant and they could not keep their hands off of me! Mom had to fight them off with a stick! One cute blonde chica even got to hold me. Who can blame all the ladies? I am so damn cute!

Today, Mom took me to the Los Altos Art Show in downtown. We walked. Or should I say I rode in the Baby Bjorn and Mom walked. It was entertaining. There were lots and lots of interesting art peices, but I liked the guy who was selling wooden kid puzzles. Mom did get me one. She said I should wait till I can hold something and not invoulntarily bonk myself in the head with it. It's true. I need to work on the whole hand-eye coordination thing. It will be easier to rule the world with an iron fist when you don't knock yourself out with your own hand.

Am I cultured yet?

First, I would like to welcome my newest buddy, Jacob, into the world:
He lives in Washington with his Mom, Lisa, and Dad, Ben. With all the girl babies around, it will be nice to hang out with the boys. I think I might solicit his help in my plans to take over the world.

Yesterday, Mom took me to San Francisco to see the MOMA with Megan & Mirabelle. She didn't tell me that Mirabelle was going to be there. I was so unprepared for the date... I didn't even bring flowers! Mirabelle did not seem to mind, she slept during most of the time. The MOMA was a neat place. I really liked the Alexander Calder stuff - especially the mobiles. Mom liked the kid's books at the MOMA's gift shop. She bought me three books - Adventures of Cow, That's Dangerous, and Baby Mix Me a Drink. I am looking forward to reading them after I learn how to read.

Mom also took me to a art gallery and bought me a metal balloon. Here is a picture of the balloon:
Mom buys the strangest of stuff.

Ralph Lauren

Mom made a new rule: No pukin' when wearing Ralph Lauren. I broke the rule.

Female conspiracy?

What is it with females? All cute and stuff, but all they ever do is poke me with sharp things. Hep B #1 and Vitamin K shots on day 1, circumcision on day 2, and now Hep B #2 on day 28. Three different, sexy, yet malevolent ladies. I think I'm going to hang out with just guys from now on.

Mom, you're cool. But Mirabelle and Linnea, I'm sorry but I have to cut you off. Your gender brethren have ruined it for you. Maybe we can still hang out if you're first cleared by a combination of metal detector and cavity search. Anyone from the TSA looking for a moonlighter? Can't be too careful if you plan to take over the world.

Happy Mother's Day!

When I become ruler of the world, everyday will be Mother's Day! At least it will be for my Mom because she rocks! I stayed up all night during her shift and she didn't complain one bit. I did think it was a bit strange when she was trying to put my diaper on inside out, though. I think she was just playing around.

It's been quite warm in these parts, so I have been napping a lot lately. Nap, eat, burp, fart, poop, and repeat - but not necessarily in that order.

Today, we went to the mall.... again. Mom & Dad had to approve the baby annoucements at the card store. The announcements are neato, but they do not mention my taking over the world. I guess that it is good thing because stealthiness is important. I can't have President Bush talking with the UN about using the 'nucular' option on me.

In the "All Hail ME!" front, my Great-Aunt Jane knitted me up a really cool afghan. Check it out:
My Auntie has got skillz - with a 'z'!

More Testosterone in the House!

Granddad flew out to visit me yesterday, so the testosterone level in house has risen to compete with the maternal instincts which want to dress me up in cute clothes and stuff. It is really hard to be taken as a serious dictator when you are wearing an outfit with puppies on it.

In other news, I have discovered my arch-nemesis. His name is "Baby Boy". He was born on the same day as I was at El Camino Hospital. I will crush him and his evil-looking eyebrows!
Actually, the more I look at him, the more I like him. Maybe I can make him my deputy dictator. Or leader of my political cadre. Or captain of my secret police.

Drinkin' time

For my 21st birthday, Mom, Dad, and Grandmom are taking me to a bar. I've got my hair all made up for the occasion:

I'm not really sure what I should order. A drink in honor of my name: "Alexander" (equal parts brandy, creme de cacao, and cream with dash of nutmeg) or one in honor of my future title: "Caesar" (1 glass Clamato juice, 1 oz vodka, dash worcestershire sause, dash tabasco sauce, pinch salt, celery stick). I think I have to go for the Alexander, Clamato juice is so vile I must ban it as part of my new world order.

There's also a "Danger" (1 bottle beer, 1 oz vodka), but it is so non-threatening it's silly.

Here I am taking a catnap in the afternoon so I can party all night long:

Mom squared

Grandmom, of the paternal persuasion, arrived in town yesterday. One more person available to shove binkies back in my mouth, yay!

I had my first bath on Saturday. It was fun except for the wad of soap that Mom dropped in my mouth. I didn't curse, I swear! Maybe it was a preemptive punishment for things I'll do later. Chalk me up for one swearing credit.

In the photo, you can see me showing off my rock-hard abs and my hoo-hoo dilly to the camera. Mirabelle and Linnea, start fighting!

Now that I am 18, can I vote?

So sorry my blogger readers! The posts have been slow to come because I have been rearraging the secret lair for spring.

But, boy, has it been a busy couple of days! Let's see, where to begin:

1. I lost my belly button raisin. It came off when Mom was changing my diaper two mornings ago. The parents celebrated by going to Häagen Dazs and having ice cream.
2. I peed in my first BMW M5. Mom had the brilliant idea to change me in the back seat of the 'family' car. Dad was doing the dirty work on the southern front and Mom was handling the supply line. Man, when you have to go you have to go! All I heard from the parents was Dad yelling to Mom, "Stop laughing and start wiping!"
   
3. I kept Mom up all night yesterday. She was none too happy, but I was gassy and uncomfortable except when she was rocking me. Dad was happy to get Mom back for the BMW/peeing incident.
   
4. I had a date with a new lady in my life: Linnea Hellner. Sweet, sweet Linnea! Unlike my first girl, Mirabelle, Linnea is a younger lady - in fact she is 4 days to my 18. It will be tough to juggle both girls - but Dad is confident in my ablilities to keep both ladies happy. Besides, who can resist the charm of Alex Danger!
5. I went to my first nice resturant, Birk's, last night. It was for Uncle Wayne's 21st birthday - Mom was attempting to culture him by introducing good wine and food. Dad introduced him to this thing called Amaretto. The Amaretto looked good, but I think it would have tasted better if they drunk it from a bottle & nipple rather than a glass.

Mom is working on letting me sleep in my room by myself. She got a baby monitor, but still keeps on checking in on me to make sure I am breathing if I am too quiet. Parents can be so overprotective - I cannot even imagine what she is going to do when I learn to drive!

I am so damn cute!

The 'rents survived two nights alone with me! Dad took the late night shift and Mom took the early morning shift. It worked out really well. Although, Mom still cannnot sleep for more than a 3 1/2 hour stretch because she has to produce my sustenance. Mom is threating a 'boob-cott' in order to get 5 hours of uninterrupted sleep.

Mom and Dad keep me really busy. Yesterday, we went to the doctor's office (clean bill of health, again... Doc, you are still on notice!), out to lunch, and to Bloomingdale's to get Uncle Wayne a 21st birthday present. Mom circled the first floor of Bloomingdale's for at least 15 minutes trying to find the damn elevator. Mom complained that the signs were all wrong on purpose to make her walk by the shoe and handbag departments. After a short stay at home in the afternoon, it was off to Uncle Wayne's birthday dinner. Guess what I did during dinner? Yep, that's right, I slept!

The baby nurse and the parents are trying to put me on a feeding schedule. I am co-operating with the night time schedule, but I am putting my foot down and doing what I want during the day.