Dirty Dozen

Peace out, brothers!

This bouncy chair is awseome. All the bounce and none of the fumes of a car ride.

Tonight is Mom and Dad's first night all alone, no night nurse to keep me in line. I plan on staying up all night and thowing a kegger. Boo Yah!

I went to Dad's ultimate practice today. My chick Mirabelle was there. We didn't really hang out, I think our parents are starting to get suspicious.

I go to 11

I went on my first hike today at Rancho San Antonio. It wasn't very far, but I spent all of it in a horiziontal position. Which means I did the whole thing in a single step. Boy am I tired!

In anatomical news, my nose is straightening out nicely. Check out the before & after photos.
Before:

After:
The double chin is a bit embarassing. Hopefully a growth spurt will eat up all of that babyfat.

10 Days Old...

Watch out world, I'm in double digits now! Woo Hoo! And, you all get to see my cute face because Dad 'found' the camera. Mom is doubting his 'finding' abilities, but she is now happy to snap pictures again.
Today the 'rents and I went to downtown Los Altos for lunch and to run errands. I, of course, slept through most of the trip. I need to be more awake during these outings in order to do recon for my world domination plans, but my stroller/car seat combo is just so damn comfortable.
Mom nearly freaked out when she saw me sleeping on Dad's lap:Look out below! Mom thought this was a dangerous move on Dad's part, taking care of me and reviewing health insurance options at the same time. But here we catch Mom feeding me and surfing the web simultaneously:At least Dad wasn't doing two active things at the same time.

I'll have none of this multitasking. Taking over the world will be the only task in my life.

A miracle!

All hail the return of the camera!
Dad got lucky and found the lost camera. It's a good thing too, as my all-text blog posts are pretty dull. I'm not really sure where he found it. From the tidbits of the story that I heard between naps, I've pieced together the following timeline:

1. Mom & Dad lose the camera at the hospital.
2. A good samaritan, let's call him Joe, finds the camera.
3. Joe, unable to find the rightful owner, returns the camera to Fry's.
4. Fry's stores the camera in a box with the "Fry's sticker of death" on it to indicate it is a returned item.
5. Dad goes to Fry's and picks up the camera.

Amazing how life just works out like that, huh?

Life without pictures

The search is on for the camera because mom is getting really, really unhappy that every moment of my life is not being documented. For example, two days ago, I got my first HUGE booger in my nose, and mom was so proud. Though, I don't know why she didn't let me keep it.
Yesterday, I saw my current girl, Mirabelle. She was being coy and stuff, so the only thing we shared was the changing table. Boy, can that girl poop!
I also got to drive my stroller for the first time yesterday. Way cool. We strollered around the Palo Alto Medical Foundation buliding and then the PA Town & Country for lunch and then shopping at DayOne to get me some new bottles. The handling on the new ride is awesome. Look out Formula 1 - there's a new kid on the block! No, I really mean look out, cause I fell asleep at the wheel... Meh, whatever, I've got 16 years to practice staying awake.

One Week Old

Whew! I made it through my first week of life without too much trouble. Today was my actual 'due date', so like the hobbits in the Lord of the Rings have second breakfast, I am considering today my 'second birthday'.

I had a busy day today - first, I went to the doctor's office and got poked and prodded. I even had my frenulum snipped. For those of you who don't know what that is, it is the thing that is under your tongue that looks like a sail. Mine was a little tight which was hindering me in the sucking department. I took it like a man and did not cry a bit. But, I am putting the doc on notice. All in all, I got a clean bill of health, which I could have told them if they just asked. After the doctor, the 'rents took me to brunch at Hobbee's. Well, they ate brunch and I slept. After that, we went to Babies R' Us. I wish I could remember what the heck was going on and what we were doing there, but I slept during that trip too. What can I say, planning to take over the world is a lot of work - really tiring work. Plus, I cannot risk the parental units learning of my plans.

My parents have yet to find the camera - so mom called in a favor from Uncle Guy to borrow his. This means that tomorrow you all get to see my cute face again!

Hiccups

Taking over the world is difficult when you have debilitating hiccups. Some inferior genetic material from mom, I suspect. She has the same someone-just-rammed-a-mac-truck-into-my-ribs style hiccups as I do. Fortunately I like trucks, so it isn't all bad.

The pictures from my triumphant homecoming are AWOL as mom&dad left the digital camera at the hospital by mistake. Parents, can't live with them, can't live without them.

I'm rapidly gaining weight on a mix of formula and real boob juice. The mix of the two should approximate the properties of Weight Gain 5000, rapidly bulking me up and giving me those washboard 6-pack abs. Contradictorally, mom is hoping that pumping out of lots of boob juice will bring back her 6-pack abs.

Tour the milk factory

Right now I'm eating the synthetic stuff, but real boob juice is on the way. The boob juice factory is operating at full speed, making lots of the stuff. Unfortunately, the factory exit still isn't working yet, so there's an accumulation in the warehouse. Check it out:
It's even more impressive from my vantage point:

(OK, this is exaggerated a bit, there are ice packs in there also. But it is still impressive.)

Ow!

Evil things come in cute packages. Take the friendly and helpful pediatrician lady. She's been so nice she almost had me fooled. Turns out, she's just in it so she can chop my foreskin off. Yikes! Shame on her, picking on the defenseless. Well, when I conquer the world I'll hunt her down and chop her foreskin off. See how she likes it.

Speaking of conquering the world, I made more progress on step 2 (learning to suck) today. Mom's boobs are still a challenge, but they've got these neat little portable boobs they fill with simulated boob-juice that I can successfully suck on. So at least I'm not starving anymore.

My first date

Check out my hot new girlfriend Mirabelle:
The relationship is going really quickly; we're already sleeping together. I hope my parents don't find out. I'll get in trouble because she's an older woman. Sweet, sweet May-December romance. But more exactly, a March-April romance.

In other news, my plans for conquering the world are progressing slowly. Step 1, check. Step 2, tougher than I thought. My parents think I might win a Darwin award. I've got to step up, commanders march on their stomachs as much as armies do.

I got some swag for when you're all bowing down before me:
For all of your sakes, you'd better hope that the "Benevolent" part is accurate. Maybe you're already in trouble. In this picture I'm barking out some very non-benevolent commands to the 'rents.

Lots of visitors came by today. Peasants ingratiating themselves with their future leader. I can't say I blame them. Someone has to be put in places of power in the coming administration, might as well be people who tickled me and said "goo goo".

Happy birthday to me!

Happy Birthday to me,
Happy birthday to me,
I'm 6 pounds, 13 ounces,
and as cute as can be.


Bow down before me, earthlings! The reign of Alexander Danger Boissicat Randall is neigh! My infallible 6 step plan is as follows:

1. Learn to poop. You can't take over the world if you're constipated (hear that, Kyle?).
2. Learn to suck. Deep down inside me is a boob man, I just need to bring him to the surface.
3. Get my nose straight. I look like a seasoned boxer right now.
4. Open my eyes for more than 3 minutes. Man, I've got quite a hangover from the birthday party.
5. ???
6. Conquer the world!

Look out world - one day left!

At this time tomorrow, I will have cut the umbilical cord and do my own thing! I'm not quite sure what my 'thing' is yet, but I am pretty sure it involves breathing and eating on my own. Beyond that I might try this thing called crying. I heard that it helps food get into your mouth, among other things.

Mom is putting the final touches on my room. She has had to keep the door closed to prevent the cat, Peek-a-Boo (a.k.a. Boo) from sleeping in my crib. Boo has yet to learn that a) it is my room now and b) I get priority attention from the 'rents.

Mom is all annoyed with Pottery Barn Kids at the moment. She bought a wallpaper tree mural from them and she and Uncle Wayne put it up on Saturday above my crib. Then yesterday she goes into the room, half of the tree had fallen down! Dude - not cool. I did learn some neat four letter words, which I'm sure I not suppose to use till I'm 18.

See you all tomorrow!

Still in utero...

Ok, Ok, I know I'm not putting up a ton of posts - but I've been a bit busy. And hey, I'm still in utero. Just wait till I'm born....

Man, it is getting cramped in my current digs. But, I can't complain. So far it's been really nice. I have daily maid service and food is always delivered when I want it. (I'm getting pizza tonight!) I spend my time thinking up of ways to pass the time. Annoying my mom has been a favorite passtime. My favorite activities include having the hiccups or punching her in the bladder after she just drank a bunch a water. It drives her nuts. She keeps mumbling about the countdown to my eviction of her belly area.

Dad is taking my arrival in stride. He just ordered a bunch of Seventh Generation diapers from Amazon. You fool!! You only think that those little pieces of biodegradable plastic will hold the great movements that will emanate from my bowels! HAHAHA!

194 hours left!